Regulated cloud computing -- our new national nightmare

Opposing groups in Washington are arguing over proposed standards for cloud computing that will either protect us or make our lives miserable. Did you expect less?

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Two items in the extremely boring but very important arena of federal regulations came up this week that touch on cloud computing: A Brookings Institution report calling for clarity and additional regulation around cloud computing and export control, and a counterpoint report from the Software & Information Industry Association (SIIA) basically begging for that idea to be furiously ignored.

The move to the cloud is one of the defining information technology trends of the early 21st century.

John Villasenor, Brookings Institution

If you think that reporting on, reading about or examining federal regulation of the IT sector is hot stuff and not boring, I do not want to come to your cookout. However, it is incredibly important right now, in the same way a truck is incredibly important when you are standing on the highway. The Brookings Institution recently hosted a panel on the proposed "Cloud Computing Act of 2011." There are several other very far reaching bills on consumer data and identity privacy in the senate right now like the Commercial Privacy Bill of Rights, the Consumer Privacy Protection Act, the Data Accountability and Trust Act and so on. None of these will be all that important, of course, because after next week we will all be eating each other's brains with teaspoons in the post-default apocalypse.

But assuming our native criminal class either gets their act together or suffers a TKO from the executive wing, you should care about this.

The DATA legislation, for example, would call for IT shops to "require each person engaged in interstate commerce that owns or possesses data containing personal information, or contracts to have any third-party entity maintain such data for such person, to establish and implement policies and procedures regarding information security practices for the treatment and protection of personal information."

No matter where you or your data resides, it is subject to audits on demand. Your data management tools can handle that in a snap, right? On no wait, they can't. Those tools don't exist. Looks like you'll be on your knees begging sales, HR, your payment processors, your vendors, your partners and your customers for all that crap -- and legal will still find a way to blame IT.

"The move to the cloud is one of the defining information technology trends of the early 21st century," says John Villasenor of the Brookings Institution. Therefore, he writes in part, the feds should probably clarify what it means to read regulated email or electronic documents on your phone while overseas.

Please, dear god, no. Do not do that. I've seen federal data standards in action. I know people with two phones and three computers they have to use for different federal requirements. They have to fill out paperwork if they send an email from the wrong device. It's like Kafka meets Cthulhu and the end result torments your soul in non-Euclidean email shape for the rest of eternity.

Meanwhile, SIIA attempts to lay out some reasonable policy goals for legislators that mostly focus around the fact that senators do not understand the "interwebs" and need to leave it the hell alone. Normally, I'm on the wrong side of SIIA; they're an anti-piracy group, which is a bit like trying to bail out the ocean with a tea cup while trying to annoy beachgoers by poking them with sticks. And normally, I like Brookings' positions on policy; they're reasonable, nuanced and, in this case, amazingly wrong.

Is it time to clarify what it means to open an email in international airspace? Time to make businesses responsible for ridiculous amounts of tangentially related material they either shouldn't have or shouldn't need? No. Hands off what you don't understand, please.

The cloud train is rolling, and locomotives (and their engineers) do not appreciate it when morons in suits barge in and start pulling levers for no earthly good reason. I'm all for consumer privacy and commercial accountability; pass laws that simply forbid bad actions, not make technologists and enterprises jump through crazy hoops.

Now you will promptly forget about the incredibly important decisions being made around cloud in Washington and head straight to YouTube when I tell you that the SIIA put out the "Don't Copy that Floppy" videos in 1992.

Carl Brooks is the Senior Technology Writer for SearchCloudComputing.com. Contact him at cbrooks@techtarget.com.

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